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With a baby on the way, the wife and I have just had our flat re-decorated. As a result we have a bunch of empty paint cans knocking around the garden looking for a way to make themselves useful. At no stage have I thought to myself that they would make great vessels for wine.

However, a winery located in the rolling hills of southern Chester County, Pennsylvania clearly have more expansive thoughts than  me – they sell a 3 litre version of their “Barn Red”and “Whitewash White” in paint cans.  The vineyard in question is called Paradocx (pronounced like ‘pair of docs’ after the two doctors that run the estate) and you can read more about their crazy marketing here.

Of course, all is not as it seems.  The can is not made of metal but rather a vinyl like material and inside the can is a  flexible bladder to hold the wine.

The Barn Red is a blend of sangiovese and cabernet franc grapes and the Whitewash White a blend of chardonnay, pinot grigio, and vidal. As far as I’m aware these wines aren’t available in the UK so I’d love to hear from anyone who has sipped from the can!

Caption This Photo!

Impending fatherhood has got me thinking about the relationship that my offspring will have with alcohol. I’m thinking “What age should he take his first sip of Ridge Lytton Springs?”. This picture is reassuring. CAPTION IT!!!

When at the end of this advert, Everyday Man utters the immortal line “Victoria Wine, Connoisseurs who make sense” he manages to sound more smug than the so-called wine expert he’s supposedly mocking!

Oh my word, we English didn’t half have to swallow some branded BS in the 1980’s when it came to wine. “Plus ca change?” I hear you cry. Watch this and weep.

threshersAnd so it comes to pass. First Quench, the owner of Threshers and Wine Rack, have announced that they are to go into administration.

The news comes as no surprise to those of us who have watched the retail giant lumbering along a path towards irrelevance over the past few years. And yet for those thousands of employees who work across the group’s 1300 outlets the news will no doubt cause a great deal of anxiety.

Perhaps predictably, First Quench released a statement on Wednesday saying that “it is no secret that the credit crunch has made a very competitive marketplace even more challenging.” But First Quench’s problems run much deeper than any fissures created by the financial crisis and it would be disingenuous of them to suggest otherwise.

The company’s financial results throughout this decade have been poor, its management teams have come and gone too regularly and its ownership has changed hands too often. No, this is a story of the proverbial oil tanker – the Woolworths of the wine world.

Quite simply, they have run out of ideas. The stores are generally small, poorly presented and offer a limited range of unimaginative wines. The supermarkets offer the same wines at cheaper prices and in recent years their only weapon has been the “bargain booze” option of unprofitable and unsustainable 40% off deals.

But Supermarkets don’t just win on price alone, they win because they recognise the significance of data in the role of marketing products to consumers. First Quench never understood this. They have little concept of lifetime value, loyalty and targeted marketing. I’m sad to say that the company is a paid up member of those bricks and mortar retailers who have been left behind by the digital age.

First Quench must take some stick on the mismanagement of their customer strategy and their failure to turn massive footfall into marketable data.

I have my own association with Threshers. Two winter ago I was employed as a consultant to sense check their business plan for a proposed eCommerce operation.

I found the Business Development team to be bright, energetic,  driven and eager to take the jump into the unknown but I also sensed a senior management team for whom the digital revolution was something that “other people” participated in. My involvement was a brief one  and the eCommerce operation never materialised.

The UK wine world doesn’t need to see another casualty on the high street but conversely the wine customer has been poorly served by Thresher and Wine Rack. If the supermarkets pick up the lions share of the group’s £800m turnover then life for the UK wine drinker will be all the poorer for it.

So that leaves us with Oddbins and Nicolas on the high street. Good luck to them both.

Le Beast Seduces Virgin

le beast wine

Howwwlllllll!!!!!

I first encountered Le Beast earlier this year at the untamed frontier of You Tube. Type “wine” into the video sharing site and you are generally confronted with an endless stream of Gary Vee’s crazed thunderpants, but look closer and an even more beastly presence  will reveal itself. Unlike Gary, this beast is small, furry and has a hand stuck up his back side.

Le Beast is both a wolf like monster and an enduring enigma. History reports that “Le Bete” savagely consumed nearly one hundred young girls in the hills and vineyards of the Languedoc (South-West France) in the 1760’s. It is widely regarded as the true story that inspired Little Red Riding Hood.

Every effort to stop Le Bete failed, defying even King Louis XV who sent a crack squad to the region with murder in mind. Some say the wolf hid in the underground tunnels of an ancient Chateau near Gabian and some claim to have even seen a shadow of him in its windows. Le Bete had remained a mystery to this day. Until now.

Defying nature and reason, he has resurfaced after 250 years with a simple mission to reclaim the wine world for France.

From his own snout, a rallying cry has been issued (a warning to those with a delicate disposition, this is strong stuff):

I have taken it upon myself to lead France out of its frightful state, to take charge in a business where there is no leadership. Where we are treated as if we were drug dealers by our government, where the anti-wine lobbies are trying to take away our god given right to make and enjoy wine. Our culture is being eroded, our product is being degraded, our passion is being bled from us.

We have let them do this to us. We have been arrogant, we have been elitist, we have been snobby. We must repent and change our ways. We must demonstrate that wine is fun and there is no room for pretense. This means that my colleagues in Bordeaux, Champagne and Burgundy must heed the warning howl of Le Beast. Repent or face the consequences!

Le Beast has put his name to the product of the vine in order to show the world that good French wine can be made and sold at reasonable prices. We, perhaps, should choose to ignore his natural attraction to Virgin for his latest promotion – a blood lust for young innocents is not so easy shaken, even after two centuries underground.

Visit Virgin Wines to view the wine and if you want to find out more about Le Beast, you can keep a track of his adventures here and you can also follow him on twitter.

To w-w-w-wwhet your appetite:

Esule-Wine-Labels

I can’t recall seeing better wine labels than these. The website lostateminor.com describes the labels as thus “through imaginative illustrations that reflect ‘falling from grace’, the black and white labels convey the story of how two former kings of the wine grape world — Cabernet Sauvignon and Cabernet Franc — were cast aside as other varieties came into vogue.”

Developed by Mash Design for Red Heads Studio in Australia. Haven’t been able to locate them in the UK but I seem to recall that Redheads is part of Tony Laithwaites empire. I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong.

Eat My Cheese!!

Now that British alcoholic advertising cannot legally either entertain or appeal to minors (I still miss the Hoffmeister Bear) we have to look abroad for our titillation. This one from our Bud Light drinking American cousins passed me by last year but provoked a brief smile when I stumbled upon it today…

Wine Tycoon

We need more yeast!! Quick add more YEAST!!

When I first moved in with my present wife  four years ago, I decided to sell my PS2 and give up a life of gaming. I didn’t see this as a sacrifice, and it certainly wasn’t an act of submission to the impending life of servitude. No. Gaming for me had run its natural course and to be honest, I never really found a way into Vice City: San Andreas anyway.

Over the past year, the iPhone has re-introduced me to the joys of handheld console gaming in the way that my 1980’s self found joy in the Game & Watch series. I was a Nintendo Oil Panic man all the way in those days.

So, the iPhone is as far as it goes in terms of my return to….WAIT A MINUTE, what’s this coming over the hill? A PC game that allows you to create the vineyard of your dreams in 10 of the most important wine regions of France?

Command operations from your very own French Chateau? Build your winery, plant and tend your vines through all four seasons of the year, and hire staff to harvest and process your grapes?

Produce 50 French wines such as Bordeaux, Burgundy, Pinot Gris and Champagne from more than 40 different grape varietals, all in the ultimate goal of becoming a wealthy wine baron?

This could be it! This could be the way back in for some serious gameplay. REJOICE!!

Actually judging by this promo website we may be heading for disappointment but I really hope this not to be the case.

Wine drinkers everywhere are praying that they developers have built in “TRON” functionality allowing for quick transmorphication directly into the pixellated wine vat…

It’s not often that WineOfTheWeek copies and pastes articles from the press but this piece in the Guardian is so well put that, ladies and gentlemen, I present below a damning indictment of our once proud nation.

Personally I hope this trend of Supermarket madness continues and that consumers seek out alternative, independent retail outlets to source their wine:

Management consultant Jackie Slater thought she was completing a normal shopping trip to Morrisons until the checkout assistant demanded to see her ID before scanning two bottles of wine.

“I told her I was really flattered, but I was the wrong side of 50,” she said. But the assistant pointed to her 17-year-old daughter, Emily, and her 18-year-old niece, Annice, who were standing at the end of the checkout chatting.

“She asked: ‘Are they with you?’ I said they’d come to help me carry the bags back to the car. The assistant said: ‘You could be buying the wine for them. It’s the policy – I have to see everyone’s ID to make sure they are all over 18′.”

At Home With The Slaters

In vain, Mrs Slater insisted that the wine was for herself and her husband, Peter. But the assistant and then the store manager refused to budge.

Nor was their decision deemed an over-enthusiastic interpretation of company rules. Morrisons’ head office last week backed the store – a move that suggests new guidelines, introduced to limit access to alcohol among youngsters, could soon cause chaos if other shops follow Morrisons’ lead.

“Under current licensing laws, stores are unable to sell an alcoholic product to a customer they believe could be buying for a minor or for someone who is unable to prove their age,” said a spokesman for Morrisons, citing the Think 25 scheme that has been put in place by major retailers to prevent the sale of prohibited items to under-age shoppers.

Morrisons does not contest Mrs Slater’s version of events. The assistant even agreed that she would have sold the wine to a mother who had younger children with her because “no one would buy wine for a 12-year-old”. However she still refused to scan the wine without seeing Mrs Slater’s daughter’s ID – which she did not have with her.

“I was embarrassed, there was a huge queue building up and my daughter found it all excruciating,” said Mrs Slater, who describes the incident as “the silliest bit of jobsworth nonsense” she had ever come across.

“It comes to something when a mother can’t take her daughter shopping without being made to feel like a criminal.”

Last week Asda had to apologise to Gill Power who was told that her 14-year-old son was not allowed to help her carry shopping bags containing a bottle of wine. Mrs Power was told by the cashier: “Sorry he isn’t allowed to take it because he is under age.”

Asda later said its staff had been “overly cautious”.

Morrisons is unrepentant about its Leeds store’s decision. “We take our responsibility with regard to selling alcohol very seriously.” said the spokesman. “The rules are in place to protect our customers and their families, as well as local communities who, in the majority of cases, appreciate our vigilance in the sale of age-restricted products.”

Mrs Slater’s MP, Greg Mulholland, a health spokesman for the Liberal Democrats, said: “Whoever thinks this policy will do anything to stop antisocial drinking by kids is in cloud-cuckoo-land.

“This is simply absurd and Morrisons should be ashamed of themselves.

“We need a more mature and sensible approach to alcohol in general – and refusing a mum a bottle of wine with the weekly shop because she has her 17-year-old daughter with her is ridiculous. Morrisons need to think again and this time do so with just a little common sense.”

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