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I’ve just returned from the village shop carrying a bag of coal on my shoulder and a bottle of Shiraz under my arm. Shoreham is covered in snow. And it looks simply stunning.

Now that I’m home and the fire is starting to roar I really fancy some  ice cream. Cold and snow do that for me – just makes me want to eat tubs of the stuff. However, ice cream is almost impossible to match with wine and the Shiraz is now open. What to do?

Well, if I was living in New York or New Jersey then I’d now exactly what to do. I’d have a freezer full of these Wine Cellar Sorbets. There are six flavours: Sangria Rojo, Riesling, Champagne, Pino Noir, Rose, and Cabernet Sauvignon. Sangria Rojo and they contain about 5% alcohol content.

Alas, they are currently only available in the US.

My wife is looking for a lampshade for the bedroom in our new cottage. I said to her “Forget the lampshade luv, lets get ourselves a wine glass chandelier by John Harrington.”

There’s a choice of a 150 glass chandelier or a 300 glass one. We’ve a small cottage so I think…no hang on,  the wife has just told me to stop being so ridiculous. I guess we won’t be buying one then.

Found by Trendhunter from a company called Yanko Design whose strapline is “From Beyond Function”. Indeed.

Bloke is running to catch his train. He makes it to the train, just in time. He sits opposite a Hitchcockian Blonde. Train conductor asks for his ticket, but wait, bloke can’t find his ticket. He panics. Blonde nods towards Bloke’s penguin classic, now resting on the table. Bloke looks befuddled. Blonde nods again. Eureka! Bloke realises his ticket is being used as a bookmark. Bloke and Blonde share a bottle of Veuve Du Vernay. To a sound track of Le Mer by Charles Aznavour.

Yes folks, this is how fizz was marketed to us in the 1980’s.

The recent UK release of the movie ‘Me and Orson Welles’ provides WOTW with the perfect excuse to post the infamous drunken out-takes from Orson’s ill-fated promotion of Paul Masson Champagne.

Watch as the world famous director, actor, writer and impresario struggles to keep hold of both his words and his champagne flute. And then watch again as the whole episode is parodied with real elan. Can you tell which is the real Orson Welles?

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With a baby on the way, the wife and I have just had our flat re-decorated. As a result we have a bunch of empty paint cans knocking around the garden looking for a way to make themselves useful. At no stage have I thought to myself that they would make great vessels for wine.

However, a winery located in the rolling hills of southern Chester County, Pennsylvania clearly have more expansive thoughts than  me – they sell a 3 litre version of their “Barn Red”and “Whitewash White” in paint cans.  The vineyard in question is called Paradocx (pronounced like ‘pair of docs’ after the two doctors that run the estate) and you can read more about their crazy marketing here.

Of course, all is not as it seems.  The can is not made of metal but rather a vinyl like material and inside the can is a  flexible bladder to hold the wine.

The Barn Red is a blend of sangiovese and cabernet franc grapes and the Whitewash White a blend of chardonnay, pinot grigio, and vidal. As far as I’m aware these wines aren’t available in the UK so I’d love to hear from anyone who has sipped from the can!

Caption This Photo!

Impending fatherhood has got me thinking about the relationship that my offspring will have with alcohol. I’m thinking “What age should he take his first sip of Ridge Lytton Springs?”. This picture is reassuring. CAPTION IT!!!

When at the end of this advert, Everyday Man utters the immortal line “Victoria Wine, Connoisseurs who make sense” he manages to sound more smug than the so-called wine expert he’s supposedly mocking!

Oh my word, we English didn’t half have to swallow some branded BS in the 1980’s when it came to wine. “Plus ca change?” I hear you cry. Watch this and weep.

threshersAnd so it comes to pass. First Quench, the owner of Threshers and Wine Rack, have announced that they are to go into administration.

The news comes as no surprise to those of us who have watched the retail giant lumbering along a path towards irrelevance over the past few years. And yet for those thousands of employees who work across the group’s 1300 outlets the news will no doubt cause a great deal of anxiety.

Perhaps predictably, First Quench released a statement on Wednesday saying that “it is no secret that the credit crunch has made a very competitive marketplace even more challenging.” But First Quench’s problems run much deeper than any fissures created by the financial crisis and it would be disingenuous of them to suggest otherwise.

The company’s financial results throughout this decade have been poor, its management teams have come and gone too regularly and its ownership has changed hands too often. No, this is a story of the proverbial oil tanker – the Woolworths of the wine world.

Quite simply, they have run out of ideas. The stores are generally small, poorly presented and offer a limited range of unimaginative wines. The supermarkets offer the same wines at cheaper prices and in recent years their only weapon has been the “bargain booze” option of unprofitable and unsustainable 40% off deals.

But Supermarkets don’t just win on price alone, they win because they recognise the significance of data in the role of marketing products to consumers. First Quench never understood this. They have little concept of lifetime value, loyalty and targeted marketing. I’m sad to say that the company is a paid up member of those bricks and mortar retailers who have been left behind by the digital age.

First Quench must take some stick on the mismanagement of their customer strategy and their failure to turn massive footfall into marketable data.

I have my own association with Threshers. Two winter ago I was employed as a consultant to sense check their business plan for a proposed eCommerce operation.

I found the Business Development team to be bright, energetic,  driven and eager to take the jump into the unknown but I also sensed a senior management team for whom the digital revolution was something that “other people” participated in. My involvement was a brief one  and the eCommerce operation never materialised.

The UK wine world doesn’t need to see another casualty on the high street but conversely the wine customer has been poorly served by Thresher and Wine Rack. If the supermarkets pick up the lions share of the group’s £800m turnover then life for the UK wine drinker will be all the poorer for it.

So that leaves us with Oddbins and Nicolas on the high street. Good luck to them both.

Le Beast Seduces Virgin

le beast wine

Howwwlllllll!!!!!

I first encountered Le Beast earlier this year at the untamed frontier of You Tube. Type “wine” into the video sharing site and you are generally confronted with an endless stream of Gary Vee’s crazed thunderpants, but look closer and an even more beastly presence  will reveal itself. Unlike Gary, this beast is small, furry and has a hand stuck up his back side.

Le Beast is both a wolf like monster and an enduring enigma. History reports that “Le Bete” savagely consumed nearly one hundred young girls in the hills and vineyards of the Languedoc (South-West France) in the 1760’s. It is widely regarded as the true story that inspired Little Red Riding Hood.

Every effort to stop Le Bete failed, defying even King Louis XV who sent a crack squad to the region with murder in mind. Some say the wolf hid in the underground tunnels of an ancient Chateau near Gabian and some claim to have even seen a shadow of him in its windows. Le Bete had remained a mystery to this day. Until now.

Defying nature and reason, he has resurfaced after 250 years with a simple mission to reclaim the wine world for France.

From his own snout, a rallying cry has been issued (a warning to those with a delicate disposition, this is strong stuff):

I have taken it upon myself to lead France out of its frightful state, to take charge in a business where there is no leadership. Where we are treated as if we were drug dealers by our government, where the anti-wine lobbies are trying to take away our god given right to make and enjoy wine. Our culture is being eroded, our product is being degraded, our passion is being bled from us.

We have let them do this to us. We have been arrogant, we have been elitist, we have been snobby. We must repent and change our ways. We must demonstrate that wine is fun and there is no room for pretense. This means that my colleagues in Bordeaux, Champagne and Burgundy must heed the warning howl of Le Beast. Repent or face the consequences!

Le Beast has put his name to the product of the vine in order to show the world that good French wine can be made and sold at reasonable prices. We, perhaps, should choose to ignore his natural attraction to Virgin for his latest promotion – a blood lust for young innocents is not so easy shaken, even after two centuries underground.

Visit Virgin Wines to view the wine and if you want to find out more about Le Beast, you can keep a track of his adventures here and you can also follow him on twitter.

To w-w-w-wwhet your appetite:

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